Having your balls broken just took on a whole new meaning.
Art: Design Rooster

Sometimes it happens out of nowhere.

One morning you wake up full of virility, the next your eyelids feel like anchors.

For other guys, the signs take their sweet time to manifest into anything discernible. Memories of your being a cool guy start feeling like that of days past while you get bitchier and bitchier about the stupidest stuff. Whether someone corrects your wrong use of “than,” or you got a small fry instead of the big-ass order, you’re losing your shit like it’s normal.

Or even worse: Right when you’re about to consummate things with that flame, your junk folds up calls it a day. Then it happens again… and again.

For concrete reasons that still elude science to this day, male testosterone’s been on a worldwide slide for the past two decades (at least). It was only in March 2020 when medical journal publisher, BMC, dropped a truth bomb few of us men even felt (thanks, unmentionable and infectious lung assaulter); BMC published a cross sectional study performed by Israel’s Maccabi Healthcare Services, the country’s second largest health care organization. The study’s subjects were (presumably healthy) men aged 13 to 80-years-old, and they all had their blood taken. Turns out “a significant and prominent trend of age-independent decline in the testosterone levels was recorded during the study period for most age groups.” So in other words, T levels were low as shit and age had no bearing on the matter.

And that’s not all — the Maccabi’s researchers also concluded that, based on their study, testosterone’s seen a “highly significant decline…in the first and second decades of the 21st century.”

To be clear, though, the aforesaid isn’t the same as this one, irrefutable fact: “T” levels dwindle as a dude ages, a natural process that starts around the time he’s 30. And even then we’re talking one percent of testosterone loss per year. This muddies things for the guy who just wants some simple answers.

Is it “andropause," is it bad habits that harm testosterone (more on this in a minute), or is something else up with your man stuff?

Let’s start here: if you’re young-ish and healthy, yet waking life feels like labour, see your doc.

Here are a few more signs it’s time to get your T checked.

And don’t be a baby about it.

I. The Case of the Missing Libido

In the medical world, low T’s known as “hypogonadism” (or gonad deficiency), as in a condition that affects a guy’s gonads (or balls, to be simpler). Basically, if your balls start pumping less sex hormones, you’ll lose your perceived need to, well, plant seeds.

Who’d have thought all a man’s mojo could come from such a small place?
Image: Wiki Commons/黄雨伞

If you understand this one encompassing fact about low testosterone, you’re ahead of the rest: there are two types of hypogonadism, not just one: There’s primary Hypogonadism, which is when your balls stop making testosterone, and then there’s secondary Hypogonadism, the kind that happens when your pituitary gland (a pea sized organ living in the base of your brain) stops telling your balls to produce testosterone. And so you know, that little pea gets its orders from your hypothalamus, a slightly bigger organ that sits just above your pituitary gland. If you’re thinking it, yes, your manhood owes its existence to these two parts of your brain. And yes, a brutal blow to this part of your head could render your balls useless. Who said life’s easy?

But hold on…

The good news is guys with hypogonadism have a decent treatment option to explore in TRT (or “testosterone replacement therapy”, which involves absorbing the hormone in serum form via gels, pills, patches, or a good old needle in the ass cheek (or bicep… or quadricep).

Men of all walks take “T”, from pro football players (remember the head trauma part we just talked about?) to the guy next door. And if you’re wondering if you’ll feel like Captain America post-injection, the answer is yeah, kind of; TRT is so potentially potent for some men that the USDA considers it a steroid. That’s why Dana White had TRT banned from UFC fighting in 2018, and it was after years of fighters allegedly abusing the stuff to gain an edge.

Think of taking T as going from third gear to sixth, depending on how your body takes to it. But for most guys who take T, you’ll feel it within two weeks to a month; Typically (not always), boners spring harder and more often, you’ll lose fat if you’re not a slob, your focus sharpens and, overall, the fog clears up.

And if your doc thinks restoring some T means making a few tweaks, like proper (or just actual) sleep or a daily dose of zinc, then do those things. If it ain’t broke and all that.

But either way, a medical pro will tell you if you even need TRT.

It could be father time, or yes, it could low T.

Fact: Your testosterone’s levels are usually at their highest in the morning, so that’s when you’ll want to do your bloodwork.

II. Straight-Up Depression (and Crippling Fatigue)

There’s no other sign of low T more prevalent than depression.

According to a definitive 2013 report from Dr. Mohit Khera, a Urologist at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, “depression and anxiety are the most common psychopathological symptoms associated with male hypogonadism.”

Smoking spliffs and playing “cod” all day will rob you of zest, no doubt… though, recent studies prove smoking that good-good might just be associated with high T.

For the record, we’re not endorsing anything here.

But if life’s moving in slow-mo for you without the drugs, it might be your testosterone.

III. The Great Muscle Hunt

One of T’s greatest abilities is helping you get ripped (with some hard work, that is, though some guys have freak genetics and there’s beating that).

A high school jock is basically a walking vile of testosterone. That’s why he’ll likely be jacked, lean, or close enough. To quantify this, the average 17 to 18-year-old male in Britain enjoys 300 to just north of 1,000 nanograms of pure, raw testosterone per decilitre, whereas the average guy older than that usually tops out at 950.

But when that guy hits his mid-thirties to forties, staying built takes more out of him. Where there was once endless endurance now bears the daily bitch slap that is aging.

But muscle isn’t just there to make you look good, it regulates your weight, too. How?

Staying built — or keeping muscle — demands energy, and calories (read: food, preferably the kind with protein) provide energy. That means more calories consumed can build more muscle. But since muscle is built with resistance training, lifting weights takes energy. Maintaining that muscle also burns calories, and it’s that very harmonious balance between consuming what’s needed and incinerating what isn’t that sustains your energy. And without energy, you’re basically an oversized action figure. Simple, right?

When your testosterone drops, so does your body’s knack for building muscle since your source of energy (or your strength, really) gets hijacked.

Also, when your T slides and lean muscle fades, fat creeps into the picture.

Speaking of…

IV. Chub Change

According to the National Library of Medicine, an increase in body fat can mean your T’s seen better days. The word there was “can.” Before we talk low T and body fat, know this: If you loaf around a lot, smash nothing but fast food and never break sweats, generally speaking, you’re going to fill out fast. And even though weight gain’s multi-factorial — age, genetics, and gender all play a role here — there’s good reason why the caloric deficit strategy's tried and true: It works, usually. If you burn more calories than you eat, you’ll trim down.

Sometimes, though, a guy will get it right and still put on pudge. If this is you, again, where we say see your doc and a urologist… and just in case, an endocrinologist (or two), too. When a man makes less testosterone, his body will store more fat.

Based on this 2013 study published by the World Journal of Men’s Health, healthy T levels equals less fat.

V. The Focus Flop

Brain fog — or the total loss of focus — isn’t quite a “classic” symptom of low T, but if it’s happening to you, get it checked as it’s common enough.

A lot of guys with hypogonadism will trudge through their days (which feel long as hell), and every thing that was once conquerable becomes anything but. Taking out the trash, deadlines, all of it.

But forgetting shit often could also be a low T thing. It comes to cognition as some guys will get hit harder in this department than others.

That’s why we’ll end this post with (maybe) the most sobering of all low T facts: At least 10 years’ worth of studies have shown that hypogonadism could turn into dementia, and when we’re talking about the big ones, that’s as big it gets.

Five Telltale Signs Your Testosterone's Shafting You