How to Taste Scotch Like You Know What You're Doing
Image: Wikimedia Commons
When this blog was born, an oath was sworn — help men who need help.
We wouldn’t have it any other way. It’d have been easy to set up an e-shop and call it a day, and hell, that works for some brands. But we purvey more than just products. We mess with all matters men’s health, too.
After all, grooming and health do share common ground.
Think about it. Why invest in a Shea butter-based face moisturizer? Why care about a peppermint-infused body wash? To nourish your face’s collagen and not stink, respectively (and presumably).
We’ve broached the topic of unibrow removal, and we’ve even published posts like what to buy for a hike. There’s no terrain we won’t tread in the name of making men look and feel fantastic. Go hard or go home, and all that.
Sometimes we’ll go further afield and cover stuff like music, film, and culture (though, there’s almost always a tie-in to grooming when we do).
This is all to say we’ll deviate from health the odd time and talk booze.
When quaffed or sipped in moderation, a strong drink snuffs that edge like nothing else. And wherever there are men who imbibe, there will be good, Scottish-born Scotch whisky.
Behold, a map of Scotland’s most revered Scotch-producing territories. You know, in case you visit the place.
Image: Wikimedia Commons
Forget that scene in that Will Ferrell vehicle in which he plays a moustachioed newsman. Scotch’s roots stretch as far back as the 15th century, and today, there are 143 distilleries crafting barrel after barrel of said liquid gold. That translates to 53 bottles of Scotch “shipped every second from Scotland” to over 180 markets worldwide.
This is a distinguished drink, though we have nothing against Will Ferrell. In fact, we wish he’d just make good films again.
Fact: For a whisky to officially qualify as Scotch, it’ll need to age in an oak cask in Scotland for at least three years.
But as with wine, there’s a way to taste and appreciate arguably Scotland’s finest export.
When oak casks store Scotch, good happens.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
Oh, and one more thing: The following step-by-step tasting guide was produced based on the recording of an actual Scotch tasting. It all went down at a local, private 40th birthday party in the Niagara region of Ontario, one celebrated by an old group of friends who ate too much and drank like ducks.
It wouldn’t have happened without Toronto’s own Neat Scotch House, a mobile Scotch tasting experience unlike any other of its kind (they do pop-ups, too). “NHS” is the brainchild of one Bryan Brown, a Toronto native and Scotch savant who leveraged 15+ years of event planning to put his real passion to work—educating good folks on the all things Scotch whisky. The 41-year-old launched his endeavour in 2020, right when the world flipped itself upside down, and he hasn't looked back since.
Mr. Brown taught yours truly (there goes that fourth wall again) and 11 more of my pals how to taste Scotch at that aforementioned gathering, and it was just as good as you’d think. By the way, the man also does everything from bachelor parties to corporate events to weddings.
Here’s to you, Bryan.
The Reset (But Not the Great Kind)
Before tasting a fine Scotch, you’ll want to reset your palate to prepare it for what cometh.
And if you find yourself at a Scotch tasting, this part’ll help your taste buds appreciate each whisky’s distinct, nuanced flaker profiles. One of simplest ways to cleanse the palate is with a shot or two of room temperature soda water (regular water’s fine, too). If it’s cold it’ll numb your taste buds, and you don’t want that.
There’s also a popular theory that beer’s a good “warm-up” here since both cerveza and whisky are made of barley. Again, it’s up to you.
The Pour
An ounce of Scotch whisky is more than plenty to taste it. No one’ll judge if you go two shots, but anymore than that and you’ll risk overwhelming that poor old palate.
Un Peu d’Eau
“Scotch on the rocks” is about as common as it gets when it comes to stiff drink.
But when you first meet a Scotch, don’t sully that meeting with ice. Those cubes will melt, then dilute your drink. Instead, be like Brown and keep a decent dropper handy (yes, like the kind one uses to apply eye medicine).
Two or three drops of water is all a glass of Scotch needs to let itself loose, so to speak.
“A little water helps unlock those flavours, and it brings them all to the top of the drink,” reminds Brown while his associate, Tina, added H20 to everyone’s glass. adds “Water adds a nice touch of balance to Scotch, too,” says Brown.
Tip: Do not underestimate the pure sex of a proper Scotch and food pairing. Dark chocolate (70% and up) is a no-brainer, no matter the type of cask or age of the drink. Raw cocoa will cut into a whisky’s sharpness and wrangle all its flavours into one, seamless experience.
The (Art of) Nosing
Don’t dive in. First, get your nose acquainted with the whisky’s bouquet of aromas. Brown had us try a curated selection of whiskys, and as with many a Scotch event, at least one “Glen” made an appearance (read: we had some Glenlivet). A Lagavulen 16-Year-Old was also brandished by the host, much to the delight of basically everyone.
But the best Scotch by far was The Balvenie’s Caribbean Cask 14-Year-Old. “You should get a little bit of apricot, and maybe a few other types of fruit,” says Brown. Hints of rich toffee, caramel, chocolate, and coffee are all common in Scotch, though some brands offer less expected surprises that are equally as sweet, like cherry and rum, in their catalogues.
On that note, if you’ve ever tasted cherry or rum while having a whisky, chances are it was aged in a cherry oak cask that once held rum. And, there’s a good chance it’ll go well with some fresh mango and pear slices, both of which were passed around at Brown’s behest.
There’s even a Scottish beer aged in casks that previously held Scotch, and it’s called Innis & Gunn. We’ll leave that for a future post.
The “Moment”
Here’s the part for which you signed up: “Don’t swallow the Scotch yet” says Brown. “First, let it sit on your tongue and allow the spirit to coat it. You’ll start to feel it against the inside of your cheeks, too. Let it sit and cascade naturally, that way you’ll take in every character note and flavour.”
The Finish
“Now that you’ve gotten familiar with the Scotch’s character, finishes things off by taking it down,” urges Brown.
Lest some Scotch noobs worry, the most complex of whiskys don’t burn.
And if it burns, then thank the stars it’s the best kind.
And One More Thing
“Whisky” and “whiskey” aren’t the same, although at the core, both are made rain-based liqueurs aged in oak casks. The difference is Canadians and Scots traditionally call this godly nectar “whisky,” while Americans and the Irish refer to it as “whiskey.”
Meet Bryan Brown, Canadian Scotch Educator, entrepreneur, and all-around awesome fella.
With special thanks to Bryan Brown, Principal and Scotch Educator at Neat Scotch House.
Check out the man’s services and curated, Scotch-themed sets at NSH.com.
And tell him we said hi.
But most of all, if you’re going to drink, please do so responsibly.