How To Go Bald Like A Champion
Photo: Uppr Mgmt
First, the hard part—you’re losing your hair.
Look, anyone who sits there and tells you to get over it—that it’s… no big deal—just doesn’t get it. That’s some cold shit and we’d never say it. And to be clear—we’re talking full-out alopecia here, not a bit of thinning. Remember that Norwood Scale we showed you way back? Look at it and go deep.
Think Professor X, not Jude Law.
Lex Luthor, not Lebron James.
If, say, you’re not so much balding as you are thinning, our guide on the matter could serve you well.
Back to your pain; We get it, your hair looked great.
It’s not like you woke up one day and told it to scram. You liked having your locks and you weren’t necessarily interested in losing your life-subscription to it.
Your hair turned heads, too, and it elicited head rubs from the fairer sex. You loved that. Now it’s gone.
But wait, the easy part—even though your lid’s giving you the shaft, you can still look cool. No, you will still look cool.
And maybe, just maybe, Lex, you’ll look cooler without it.
In fact, we consulted a few pros when it comes to this very subject, including one of our country’s most acclaimed barbers in Vancouver-based tonsorialist, Farzad Salehi (who happens to be bald), plus, of course, a primer on why and how men go bald, courtesy of science).
Ready?
First, Here’s Why You’re Bald (According To Science)
Technically, there’s both a why and a how when it comes to going bald.
In terms of how, the science is simple: Half of men on earth will lose their hair by the time they’re 50, and for a good chunk of those guys, the culprit will have been something called androgenic alopecia. Basically, if you’ve got high levels of an enzyme called 5a-reductase, good chance your testosterone gets converted to a suped-up version of itself, dihydrotestosterone (or DHT), which shrinks scalp follicles over time. The bastard.
Like this 2013 report published in the Online International Journal of Plastic Surgeons, that a hormone normally responsible for hair growth can make something that also ceases the process is “paradoxical.”
As for the why, you just read one of the major reasons, but there’s also strong evidence for a link between stressing out and losing locks. Telogen effluvium is the technical term used for when triggers or “shocks to the system,” like an accident or “psychological stress,” cause hair loss.
See, most of your scalp hair is what’s called anagen hair, hair’s that’s actually growing. The rest is what’s called telogen hair, hair that’s chilling.
When you go through a brutal shock, telogen hair production takes over, which, in turn, makes for temporary hair loss.
A Word Of Warning On Finasteride
There’s a cheat code for androgenic alopecia, a drug called finasteride.
But like all other cheat codes, using it comes at a cost.
Hopefully, for those of you on the pill right now, said cost stays financial, and financial only—as you all know, side effects are real, and they can suck, too.
In the world of medicine, finasteride works as 5-alpha reductase inhibitor, and in turn, hair loss is halted.
But, if you like having sex, consider this: In 2012, the Indian Dermatology Online Journal published a curation of studies that all support the same, general conclusion—some guys who take this drug could lose both the urge to get down and all function of his tool and die. Plus there’s the ejaculatory dysfunction part.
However, that same report also showed that, based on the majority of studies conducted, there’s a decent chance any sexual side effects will pass over time… despite whether or not a man stays on the drug.
Here’s the other thing: Once you go with finasteride, you’re pretty much locked in; if you feel like pulling out once you’ve started, you’ll lose all the hair you had left pre-pill.
And based on this 2018 report, Post Finasteride Syndrome is an actual thing, despite the fact that some in the medial community dismiss it based on claims of biased studies producing biased results. Apparently, PFS can include all those aforesaid sexual issues, plus muscle atrophy, cognitive impairment, and yes, depression.
There’s even a non-profit, Post-Finasteride Syndrome Foundation committed to helping fund more research on the topic and boosting awareness, both of which is saying something.
It’s a cruel-ass world, but now you know.
Barber Knows Best
By now, many of you have gotten to know Farzad Salehi, one of our partners in crime, shop owner, and an all-around legend in Vancouver barbering.
When master becomes client.
Here’s Farzad himself getting his dome shaved last summer, and in Cyprus, no less. Salehi loves trying out local barbers of repute when he travels.
Photo: Shelley Salehi
Salehi also happens to be a specialist in head shaves, but he’s just as adept in guiding a guy through the whole thing. Like the best of barbers, Salehi’s help transcends what he does with his hands.
He’ll talk life with you, too.
And it’s not like he doesn’t have the experience to back it all up.
“I started to shave my head before it was thin enough such that it would look as if I was trying to hide it,” confirms Salehi (who, if you ask us, looks beautiful with a bald head). “I was slicking it back at the time, and I knew my hair was thinning, but I’d never held a mirror to look at it because I knew where it was going.”
Then, one day in 2002, on one of his jaunts to buy some cigarettes (“back when I was still a smoker”), Farzad caught himself checking out his head in a closed circuit security TV screen that hung above the convenience store owner’s own head.
The camera was all but beckoning the man to look, so he did. “I started to move my head to see the top of it and spotted a balding spot, and of course, the shop owner asked me if I was okay.”
That moment was all Salehi needed to shave it clean. “The next day I was in the shop and asked Mike, my coworker, to shave my head, and that was the end and beginning of it for me.”
“I usually try to talk them into it,” says Salehi about balding clients with cold feet.
“I know it looks better and feels better,” says Salehi with true aplomb. “But, you also have to be careful, as some guys just don’t like to hear they’re balding....some of them even jokingly deny it.”
“However, I often tell them if they are up to shaving it, one of the best ways to do it is before a longer holiday; that way, if they don’t like it by the time they’re back from the holidays, it’ll already be growing back,” says Salehi. “Over the years I’ve had some clients who did that and liked it so much they kept on shaving it.”
How to Shave Your Head Clean (A Revisit)
We actually published a how-to on head shaving last year, one in which Salehi himself stars. You can check it out right here if you want.
But, since we hate false advertising, here’s the meat of the piece:
For shaving my own head, I shave in the shower and I’d use some hair conditioner, which, of course, helps make the shave a lot smoother.”
“If I’m shaving a client, I’l definitely use the same process I do for a face shave; I’ll start with a little bit of moisturizing lotion to loosen hair, and a few rounds of hot towel treatment before I start.”
The heat from the towel helps unclog pores, which smoothens skin for an easier shave.
“Then,” says Salehi, “I’d apply some cream with a brush before taking two passes with a straight razor, and I’ll add more hot towel treatments in between and at the end.”
Remember, Salehi’s a pro, so he’ll switch from going with the grain to going against it based on your hair growth and hair thickness. If you’re not a pro, go with the grain as much as possible where your hair’s typically thicker (like the back of your head), and against it where it’s thinner.
“I’d then finish the job with a good after shave balm that’ll rehydrate skin and make it smell great.”
In Sum
Save for the art of ball grooming, balding might be the absolute, most sensitive topic in men’s health.
A lot of balding men just can’t handle losing hair, and we don’t blame them.
But if you’re one of the many whose hair has bailed, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.
It doesn’t mean you’ve lost value, nor does it mean you’ve lost at all. Look at your alopecia as a transformation—an ascension, if you will—one like the many before on which you’ve embarked as a life champion. Remember when you found hair in funny spots as a teen? Same shit. And while we’d never scoff at a guy who takes a pill to keep his hair, know that if you take this route, some health risks could await. So, why chance it?
Forget about what’s happening atop your head—the real obstacle is within it. Embrace the change, and you’ll find peace with your new reality, Padawan.
You’re going to be okay, balding reader, and yes, you’re still sexy.
Come on.